dawn

soooo long night. just got home.

i do have a lot to say but way too excited to spit them out orderly. so i'll just start free floatin as it comes.

so what the sages say after all is true-- the darkest hour is before the dawn--but the dawn comes sooner or later and mine has come. avoiding crowds in days of blues may seem like the smarter thing to do, but i'm telling you right now, that ain't the case. in silence in desolation one makes too much peace with the sorrow and forgets to chase it away--instead turns into a habit of yet another kind. but crowds crowds push you around make you feel exposed and they trespass your hidden gardens--so much to the point that you realize something is wrong and this pain in you heart is not normal and you don't fit right where you used to fit perfectly--last night me i was terribly alone in a room of wonderfully entertaining people some i care for tons some i would enjoy getting to know greaterly--either way a room full of people that in no way are attached to my pain and misery, people that have nothing to do with my downhearted spirit of the last few days--and there i was not breathing proper and trying to keep up with the pace of things--

so if crowds make you miserable, then why seek them out? simple. you have to be miserable in order to shake the misery away. you have to cut open the wound and drain out the poision. you have to come to that boiling point that you can't hold things back anymore and that you have to leave--go home wherever that is (and it sure is in the act of eating apples with grandma in the middle of the night) anyways--that weight pressing down your heart--that ain't sorrow, that's just tears--and once you empty those oceans of tears around your heart it all feels so much better--me i did on my way back home for an hour of uncontrollable crying (my favorite--to cry in the middle of the city and feel how commpassionate it really is--the city- its people)but when the morning came oh man no feeling is similar to that

my heart now is lighter

so much lighter that i feel like i've been reborn. clouds have passed. i have become used to the way of things and decided to enjoy life despite its horrors. awaken. anew.

lighter!

my feet my feet---like feathers
trailing beauty on the surface of the fresh cold spring water

my heart my heart---like
this: