"The face of 'evil' is always the face of total need."
W.S.B.
so finally made my hot beverage put my blind willie mctells in the back and am ready to roll.
it's been the weirdest week--and i am so happy that i finally got the chance to pull back and chill out for a few hours--you know soft playing music, that cinnamon plum tea, crazy cold and stormy weather outside... it feels just wonderful to be inside and at peace on days like this.
school started off a bit shitty this year but who knows maybe it'll come around. looks like my day off's will be wednesdays this semester but i do have to say school on a friday rules--there's nobody around. it feels very haunted and deserted and all. it's been good to catch up with some of the old friends though i kinda roll solo this year--different electives and schedules and the whole american studies certificate thing had been pulling me all around.
let me talk a bit about last monday first--me faithfully believing that my ticket for the festival was for tuesday--which really was for monday--thankfully my dear friend warned me early enough in the day so that i didn't miss my burroughs fix. it was a wonderful day too--because it was so unplanned and unexpected--we first had coffee with the whole staff of girlfriends--then walked down to this little wodnerful burger place and had a delicious meal. then some cake and more coffee, finally we split, me and my dear friend and a dear friend of his--we all strolled in and took our places and watched in silence what the screen revealed in frames.
the documentary itself wasn't exactly a hot shot--it was a little too loose and too confused for my taste. it had these funny animation sequences in the middle and there were a huge variety of subjects--from burroughs childhood to his connection to punk rock to his obsession over guns. the timing and the tying wasn't that great though. still--the subject was so interesting that you could not have spoiled it for me by even the graviest mistakes.
i knew burroughs by name and as i've said i had attempted to read him once--but my connection to him had never been anything similar to that of mine to ginsberg or to kerouac. i do remember specifically though a ginsberg poem in which he was talking about burroughs' wife. it was one of the most tragic things i've ever read--and that was before i even knew what had happened to her. the documentary talks about the real tragedy behind her name--on a drunken high night in between all that crazy talk at some point burroughs tells her to put a bottle on her head so he can show everyone what a good shot he is. she complies and tells him to aim well--for she "can not stand the sight of blood". burroughs pulls the trigger and kills his wife.
it was half way in that they talked about that incident and it unsettled me so dearly that i kinda watched everything else through that lense. burroughs' has always been unsettling though--even in the pics he is with ginsberg and the rest he is different and distant. he is a genius, no question there. the words and the worldviews and his honest denial of any labelling (even the gay rights movement that he pretty much inspired) is incredible. and when that is coupled with his endless
eccentricity and a constant lack of any warmth and sweetness--perhaps even a lack of humanity--he is one of those truely original spirits. the doc talks about his unwillingess and almost incapability of forming meaningful relationships with human beings. it shows a series of over-aged and under aged lovers that they used to entertain around while they were in their high and mighty days--especially one man whose name slips my mind right now--and the overly simple and liberated state of their affairs.
patti smith was in it too--man that lady is amazing--she talks about how she used to daydream about burroughs and her getting married and all. which is something you would never think you'd hear of the glorious smith.
there is warhol in it somewhere and some very precious table talks they had. and most preciously ginsberg is in it--from old time war stories to recent interviews they had together where they talk about all sorts of things from the beat movement to how they had learnt about sex--and his humanity and warmth so unlike burroughs just fills up the whole room. on our way back i told my friends how he was also in lennonyc and everywhere he is you see these wonderful angelic eyes and this extreme openness and almost a settled softness. even his voice just sooths you. and that humanness grounds his image i think--unlike burroughs--his craziness and over-ness comes with just enough belief in his humanity--which keeps his image real and possible in one's eyes.
the end of the documentary does the same to burroughs--last journal entry of burroughs tells everyone that "love? what is it? most natural pain killer" which catches you off guard--for not once you hear the word 'love' mentioned in his series of words and images. when that comes up at the end you assume that he has in fact known it all his life but chose not to dwell on it--or to conceal it--or to ignore it--but admitting that brings a sense of humanity to him that he himself perhaps may not have been willing to accept--hence making them his final words. afterwards there was no confrontation for him no questioning of what 'love' is and no heartfelt conversations about digging for gold within the writing man.
so on thursday i think it was i went over to the library and picked up naked lunch--it's a 1966 print which claims to be the first paperback edition of the novel--it is so old and torn and worn out that i think it's just so suitable to the whole thing. it smells a little funny though, i'll give you that.
i was to talk about other stuff but i think i should cut it off--i think we all need some time to digest our burroughs. the whole 'total need' remark reminds me of a van gogh story that i just learnt last night--which i'll tell you later on.
enjoy your naked life.
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