gonna sleep over here that's where the music's coming from

"Thou cost me, and from hence i shake off thy chains"

soo yesterday was long. today's much mellower and more peaceful.

woke up late, had a good breakfast, made myself a lovely cup of that sweet scented ihlamur and did my usual routine--checked emails, checked dylan news, checked facebook, all that jazz. and i thought it was a good time to jot down a few words here.

just picked up my love poems from the shelf and looked through it. with ulyssess everything feels complicated and heavy so i thought i may need something to lighten up the air. but i found this lovely poem in it that really wasn't simple or lighter but pretty sweet--and that little line above is from that lovely ovid poem.

i did something quite odd the other day. i sent a friend--someone i know by name and maybe a few minutes of conversation, nothing too close--a few of my strories. been cramping over that for days now. it's one thing to have your heart and soul looked over and talked about by others that you know, it's another to have them out there in front of someone entirely out of your comfort zone. but you gotta get used to these things, i take it. if this is the life you wanna lead, at least.

i was in one of my prof's office the other day and he sat there talking about how great it would be if i wanted to focus on what i told him i wanted to focus on--there's not any efficient studies on that, he said, such a need in the academia, especially here in turkey. not to mention i had a fairly good avarage, scholarships should be within reach. and i just sat there, nodding, but my heart went cold, i felt strangled and trapped. so i thought i was back to sqaure number one. still planless thoughtless and uncertain about the future, you may say. my dad's been kinda slowly dropping hints too, saying stuff like 'you know, one of these days, we should talk about what you're doing after school' and being horrified when i respond 'london, only certain thing for now is london'

i don't know what i'll do for the rest of the day--since it's already 3 pm--but i kinda wanna watch a movie and read a little, chill out, maybe write a little. i do really wanna write a little. but we'll see. muse can not be pushed around, i've learnt. you gotta let it stroll in on its own. we'll see.

cheers