nothing was delivered

i can't seem to put words down these days. not the way i hope to at least. i realized that i can't and won't ever truly learn latin. it seems to be not in my bones to do so. i am too slow and too dumb for its taste. i also realized that i don't really care how this blog looks but i just wanted it to look since i no longer put stuff on it that knocks me off my feet(except for the post about my dad maybe). in additin i realized school's about to start and i still don't feel like it sould i am not well rested or bored yet. then i realized maybe i had to scratch all that excessive attempts and get back to my basics-- so i put on freewheelin' and though it turns my frown upside down it still won't solve anything.

change of weather they say affects you that way but i doubt it. seeing the cloudy greys in the morning makes me happy like a child.

i tried to think of a story last night about finding god at the end of science and all but i fell asleep halfway. i used to stay up all night to write things. i can't even plan them now without losing my heartbeat.

i just wanna lock the doors tight shut and pour some tea into a cup and apologize to joyce for not making it past page 2 in 2 days. then maybe he'd pat me on the back as i complain to him about how expensive rooms are in chelsea hotel if you're on your own and as i complain i would realize that eveything's expensive when you're on your own

then maybe joyce would smile at my childishness and ask what that song was in the back? and i'd say, "dylan probably"