i've crossed that river

so temporary settlement, lovers.

i got back late last night and did not have the chance to post. i'm leaving again possibly tomorrow morning, but i'm gonna try to pour my heart out here first. i have to start getting ready in a minute too.

so crazy stuff have happened. turns out my coughing and heaviness wasn't a simple cold or anything. as the doctor puts it--my right lung is filled up to its neck. i have a nasty infection that caused a starting phase of pnemonia to take hold. i was given injections twice a day for a week, and heavy medication. i got my last injection this morning (my ass hurts--i'm not kidding, i know, personal and all but when did i never know what to say at the right time at the right amount?) and in truth i am banned from even getting out of my bed. but my dearest colleagues are leaving at the end of this week and this is my only chance to see them off. so as i see it, friendship trumps pain.

i have been under blankets for about a week now, not doing anything but reading and hanging out with my big brother, which had been suprisingly wonderful. that restlessness that i used to feel back here disappeared. i don't know how, but being spoiled and taken care of, and being forced to do nothing but lie down has been quite refreshening. last few days i have been devouring some eliot, whom i always sorta wasted on my glorious path of pound, and that has been good to my soul.

i felt as safe as kerouac did with his own mother in his faithful lowell. i felt cleansed and rested. my coughings are terrible, and i still can't walk up the stairs without almost fainting at the top. i have butt load of pills to take. but i just cranked up my bob and realized how much i had missed the man--i sang outloud (interrupted by fits of coughing but oh well) and prepared my last minute arrangements.

like i said, i'll be gone till the end of the week. if you wanna find me i'll be on the couch with a cup of ıhlamur in one end and eliot on the other.

i don't know what it is, but life seems much more insignificant when you're sick.

unlike me, you be good lovers. take care. i'll see you and this city of mine when i get back.