got back late last night--had a bday dinner for mom, then watched the killer serbia vs turkey game. i wish i could describe the whole deal and all but man was that a sick game in itself, i cried about 20 minutes after the victory came. not to name names here, but serbia ain't a team notorious for their fair playing games (no i'm not a racist whatever nationalist, i'm just saying what i've seen, and have i seen serbia matches)
now there's a certain appeal in the winning side, i'll admit. people who had absolutely no interest in the hoop and the ball a couple of years ago while me and the fam were cheering at the stadium now are all moved and excited. it's amazing to see a country just rise and fall with the acts of a few pairs of hands. i think there's a taste beyong nationality to it--i personally am not capable of loving anything a step less than crazy anyhow--but what i really love in the game is the boys--their sweat, their work, their breaths--all the things that make the game human--you come to love and cherish them to a point that you do not want to see them get hurt--hence my crying 20 minutes after the game
anywho i have come to the conclusion that i am not a sane person neither in my affections, nor in my hate. but that' all right. i don't really mind it a whole lot.
i've been sleeping all day and have that restless feeling of having to go back to the real world. i really don't want to see the faces of certain people, almost blindly hating them for split seconds then finding out i have no emotions for them whatsoever, then realizing i have no emotions for anyone or anything whatsoever--and thinking it may be better tomorrow when i catch up with a few friends and all, i turn up my ronk, make my coffee, and thank istanbul for welcoming me with the rain--which itself gives me a reason to live.
so i may not be on my best of moods, but i'll bounce back. i always do. i just have to adjust.
and i did miss you all. some more than the others, some recklessly not at all. but sometimes you need to spend time eith people in order to miss them.
be well.
"The other was that vague and quite russian feeling of comtempt for everything conventional, artificial and human- for everything the majority of men regard as the greatest good in the world. Pierre had first experienced this strange and fascinating feeling at the Sloboda Palace, when he had suddenly felt that wealth, power, and life- all that men so painstakingly acquire and guard--if it has any worth has so only by reason of the joy with which it can all be renounced.
It was the feeling that induces a volunteer-recurit to spend his last penny on drink, and a drunken man to smash mirrors and glasses for no apparent reason and knowing that it will cost him all the money he possesses; the feeling which causes a man to perform actions which from an ordinary point of view are insane, to test, as it weere, his personal power and strength, affirming the existence of a higher, non-human, criterion of life."
War and Peace-- L.T.
ps: if we get the trophy tonight, i am so getting wasted tomorrow.
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