roll away the stone

i'm back, lovers.

truth is i came back on friday, but my mind took a weekend off in preparation for the upcoming busy days so i didn't have the chance to put anything down. i took leave for about two weeks, back to that place of childhood which always leaves the most pleasant taste in your mouth once you put it in your rear window--finished up my war and peace, studied some latin, had some family time-- i usually stay there much longer--months even--had in fact announced it to be my desolation peak--but this time it was only two short weeks.

it was weird as if it was a still slice cut of a big time cake and i felt a bit out of place. felt like nothing needed to be going on in my brain i cut off any and all music (except for an occasional bobby and that song halleluaj for some reason) i listened to the wind or to my mama's pen rushing over the crossword puzzle of the newspaper instead-- i didn't stare at the see for hours trying to come up with first questions then answers about love life and death-- i didn't write-- which became first a peculiarity then a burden then a dissapointment--i read an old story i had written last summer around the same time in the same spot in place and mind--over 20 pages i read and read and laughed and silently cherished the fact that now i was either too good or too bad to ever write like that--

so it was like i said--odd. i had gone that road hoping i may find what i have been searching for but nope nada--it was just--normal, you know. and i had a good two weeks rest and was happy and all but it was just weird (i should start coming up with better words than weird) anywho i went i saw i conquered and came back and life outside myself seems now irrelevant as it does when you spend some time away and of reach--and i get back on the tracks with two nights out tomorrow and on monday so back to my old tricks and back to my old flicks as always

like i said (again) i didn't think of much back there so i don't really have some fancy food for soul that i can throw at your face but i came back today and realized again that life goes on regardless and funny the circles we come in and go and school in a few weeks time and all i can do is smile and understand momentarily how unpredictable life truly is and how sometimes in the lamest of moments like when you're brushing your teeth you realize you've done something you would have never thought you'd do or something had happened that you never thought would have happened or someone had failed you and someone cracked open your heart and you look at the mirror and needlesly say to yourself "i wouldn't have had it any other way" and you know nothing you think of right now will unfold as you plan---understanding all only to forget about it all over again

all goes on and nothing collapses and all that deal you know

as i said

back to my old tricks