Long time, no see lovers.
i’m aware that it took me a little too long to get my ass outta whining and come down here to say a few words—but all’s been thought over (and then some) and here i am.
strange things have been happening lately-school, for starters. my beloved castle of 'multitudes' have fallen. it all seems to be such a drag these days to even just get down there. it seems outdated and pointless and absolutely unnecessary. and you know what happens when i lose faith in something--it just goes downhill crazily--so i'm thinking low grades and a few disasterous choices lie ahead as the spring approaches. not much i can do at this point to change that. i mean there is but i won't do so. i can't do so. if my heart ain't in it than i can't force myself to lose hours on causes i no longer believe in. path of academia at this point in my life no longer excites me--i surely have a lot to learn but i need to do so through life-not through a bunch of people with too many to count sticks up their asses
moving on. i had two lovely nights in a row over the past two days--and though i'm a little tired and time seems to be running this weekend i surely am happy. both were two absolutely opposite ends of the spectrum--one being too turkish and the other being absolutely non-turkish. fasil as we call it--a dinner made up of friends music and my land's most pleasant beauty raki--it was a blast on thursday night when i had a chance to hang out with some of my favorite people. though strings were stretched as far as they could--some on the break of breaking of--and certain uncertain issues lingered on--all through it was a lovely night with highlights such as doorstep assumptions on what makes or should make you happy and let it be ringing softly in the back (which is most unusual in a fasil) and later on drunken moments of beauty such as talking about broken friendships walking up to the square or freaking out in my drunken state of mind over a nightmare i had a few days ago in which one of my best friends lately learnt something about me that i know he would sooner or later--truth is at this point it would be cruel to not let him in the picture since my insignificant secret lingered around for one too many minutes around his circle--anywho it's different when you're drunk--evertything is simpler and most logical--yet you feel something strained beneath your dragon skin--i have noticed on my way back through the fog smudged night that i as i tried figure out who i was and what i wanted or tried not to want anything that i thought i can not have have managed to successefully killed a deeper silent part of me--all that struggle to be quieter and lonelier and bleak--i thought i bounced back all right--truth is i haven't--a part of it still veils me and chains me down and i went home last night noticing that i no longer was capable of being that happy--the way that i used to be upon returning from drunken voyages made with friends (bobby says -- you can always come back but you can't come back all the way)
last night was entirely different. i had too lesser known still loved friends with me and we went to see the blues festival downtown--which was a things of beauty in itself. note to thyself--never go to a blues show without a lover. i have decided after last night that blues was the most sexual genre out there. it takes you up to this level of energy and passion and leaves you off there--it doesn't explode you like rock'n roll or leave you grounded like folk music--god freaking knows it is just insanely sex-friendly. i don't know how clear this sounds but you had to be there to know what i mean--especially near the end when kenny neal was doing this mean heavy i can't quit you babe type of blues song it just makes you lose it. besides that the whole thing was amazing--it was probably the first show i ever been to without having a clue about the participants--but from now on samuel james is surely under my spidey senses--dude looked more like jay z then muddy waters but still man did he know how to play that guitar. it was a whole army of musicians molded into one human being.
two kinds of people should be banned from attending shows like this one-- 1) wannabe high school kids (i know i know i sound like a bitch for saying that but man they are annoying) 2)creepy snake dancing guys that keep yelling and pointing at the sax player just desperately dying to let them know how much they totally love them--would have loved to have bobby there--that would have been a blast
lets see what else? caleb followill is killing me these days--as they often do--the songs began growing on me--and that voice--man--that voice that scratching tearing roaring growling beauty--it's unhealthy, to be exact. that's how amazing it is. pony up is getting to a frequently played on my ipod. SPEAKING OF- my stupid headphones broke. hence i was miserably all through the bus rides. but i am so getting a new one tomorrow so hopefully by monday morning, i'll be a happier person.
oh and another strange event. this lovely friend of mine that i've just met upon hearing from me (being possibly one of very few) that i wanted to write in the future revealed that he also had an idea for a book--but he would probably get down to that later on in life since it was 'too hard' to do so for now. but he also made me smile afterwards declaring that i made him 'think about what he was going to do--again!' so i guess kindred spirits are not always as far away as we think they are--or maybe they'r even further down--who knows
so as you see not much changes. i do feel slightly changed. i do feel slightly lonelier. slightly more confused. yet slightly clearer.
highly estranged. wounded but up on my two feet. putting friends secrest and families in my rear window. at least trying to--as that lead followill boy often lets me know (or at least i assume he does--boy has a way of singing the words that lets you hear them as what you wish them to be and not what they really are--in the strangest parts of town at the strangest hours too)
and all this pissin' around
cut loose of this fuckin' town
i ain't comin back
i got my ticket on to the next one
ah november. take off your shirt already and show me your raindrops.
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