fly yourself away from here into the clear

strangest things happen in our daily days.

i went down to the school this morning--as always--my ears full of music and sunglasses keeping the sun above the beautiful view--anyways, i went down to the study hall to get an hour of reading before the day began and i got lost in the haze of things.

(before i move on, ezra was missing, she/he sometimes does that, i'll let you know when he/she pops up again)

so i found myself a cozy spot, cranked up my beloved followill boys and dug deep into my bag (which in a way is very similar to life--it's huge and endless and no matter how much you look for things in vain and minutes pass and you still can't find shit in there but you still can not kill the hope of maybe finding it--see my point?) and figured out that me in my sleep deprived state of mine had left it at home. with one side of my heart down torn out i just sighed and cursed my luck--then cursed some more--then cranked up the music even louder and decided to sleep instead--

when i woke up--rubbing my eyes, trying to get back into life--i realized a complete stranger who had been sitting across from me was reading my book--the one that i had forgotten at home--the very same book! now see me, i never read the things other people read or listen to things other people listen to never at the same time and i always exist in some other desolate universe where i can't share the goosebumps with anyone but me and occasionally jack and bob and jim when it comes to joys of the spirit (i have no idea why--it's just the way it is)-- so i felt this tingling in the pit of my stomach and i knew then and there

i was in love. total absolute wishful love.

it lasted about 5 seconds--in which i stopped cursing God for making me forgetting my book at home and for never really telling me if he exists or not; I noticed once more how amazingly beautiful caleb followill's voice was--how strange! how poetic!--I realized that that Yeats poem was or could be or maybe true, but i bet moths don't care a whole lot about eternity--or the exact opposite maybe--and I felt my heart floated "light&free" (only when it is empty the heart stinks like a stone in still water) felt like writing to my name in comrade that i have finally fallen, or like grabbing a total stranger from both shoulders, in the early spring chilliness, and scream-like some crazy dostoyevskien persona--"I am in love, brother! I have just fallen in love!"

then my 5 seconds ended.

i don't know what it was that i felt or how i felt it or how it just appeared or disappeared--i don't know what it means in our orderly feelingless world-- but him i will most likely never see again--or wish to see again--or even want to see again, but him--a complete stranger in a moment of familiarity--made me spark. momentarily. but still. a spark.

then the feeling turned itself into this endless desire to hug people, so that's what i did for the rest of the day.