...

Jack finally gave up on me. They all did.

keep that smile on your pretty face

so long time no see.

ok, let's get this ball rolling. first week of vacation gone, not much has changed. except that a few goodbyes have finally taken their places. and i'll tell you one thing, you can see how much someone cares about you by the way they choose to say goodbye. hellos are forced upon, almost mandatory. goodbye's are perfectly optional. you can cry or not. you can choose to spare some time or not. it goes both way. both parties are involved.

god knows it was a relief. most of it. feels like i've been liberated from an ongoing confusion. my comrade in name though--her, her, i will miss, and her i wish had never left. i guess when it comes down to it, it's about how much you care for people too. that's what i mean by both parties. i don't know. it's complicated. so am i. so are we. so is everything.

i haven't been reading much---but i'm enjoying my days of superficial existence by listening to mainstream albums and playing video games. which brings me to my next subject--one that i've been meaning to write about for a few days.

well some of you may know--my latest source of joy. that band kings of leon had been on my playlist for the past few days and it's oddly enjoyable. and made me think of something entirely useless and different--this whole commercial business that freaks fans out in the music business. everytime i go "god that is so mtv" i kinda feel like i'm betraying some higher moral code of freedom of speech. i mean, who are we to decide what's deep and what's not? even labeling things shows we're kinda shallow to begin with, am i not right? so what if people are trying to make money? if you don't like what you hear, just skip it. don't put it down. that's all i'm saying.

it's like--everytime i judge something according to pre set criteria of what's worthy and what's not--and bitch about cliches--i feel like dylan's breathing down my neck. if nothing else, the man taught me how to be open minded. let's face it--just because only by the night is kinda mainstream, you can't deny a gem like Cold Desert or admit that Use Somebody with all its overexposure, still hits a nerve. Or that Sex On Fire makes you wanna get drunk.

not to mention that as far as i'm concerned--caleb followill may be the creepiestly greatest lead in the last decade or so. the man can sing it with such misery and pain in a odd way that won't get you to pity him but to sort of recognize some sort of a invincibility in his voice. even though--to me--youth and young manhood is much more "enjoyable" (not better, pay attention) the vocals on only by the night is just way more--i'm not sure how to describe it really, it's very challenging yet heartbreaking and frightening and inviting and i don't really know...

don't get me wrong--i'm not saying the music is the music of your life. all i'm saying is that good and bad doesn't really exist in music. i guess everybody likes something else, and all you can do is to hope they like what you like not because of the quality or anything but simply because you want people to think the way you do and as beautiful jack once said "music blends in with the heartbeat universe and we forget about the brain beat" or something like that---i think we all want someone to like the song we like just to know that the hearts beat similar after all.

ps: make sure you give a chance to youth and young manhood. it really is a pretty darn---you know, "greatly satisfying" album. take my word for it.

...

for only a handful i strive to spare. i am constantly doubting the sincerity of those around me, could it be because i lack sincerity myself?

oh come on now, don't get all mushy. it's just sometimes you care about someone so much, yet you pull out all your bluffs, for what? nobody knows. plug in a good song and see if you can figure out.

when the snowflakes storm

so i have tons to say--a mixture of wonderful songs and dogs playing in the snow, and of lorca and tiresome journeys of mind and of parents and heartbeats and children and homemade cookies and cupcakes and wonderful cheesecake slices and old friends and friends who weren't really friends anyways and evaluations and a bit of crime and punishment and wanting to sleep but fearing that it'll get you to miss the dancing of the "lawless" snowflakes and eat the document, too, somewhere...

anyways. i will get back to you.

but before i take off---here's a gem i discovered accidentally--one that can only be discovered on a beautiful snow day like this one. don't know which one to enjoy more--whethere the fact that it's plant doing a dylan song (like freaking olympus or soemthing, though i like the original one better, still, it's insane to hear it in plant's voice) or the fact that plant calls him mr.zimmerman. now that i could relate.

anyhow--enjoy.


Robert Plant - Girl From the North Country

Kern ( I Want to Be Dylan ) Little | MySpace Video

bellum omnium contra omnes

a very kind old-ish man shared his umbrealla with me today, while my whole body was trembling with the cold, and snowflakes had been bouncing off of my skin. he was fatherly enough to make sure I was fully under the umbrealla, and Turkish enough to wish--upon learning that we were waiting for different buses--that mine would come first.

mine did come first. i thanked him a couple of times and got on the bus.

i cried all the way home.

blood on the tracks

"A lot of people tell me they enjoy that album. It's hard for me to relate to that. I mean, it, you know, people enjoying the type of pain, you know?"

I was going to tell you all about my second favorite dylan album of all time--since it was released 35 years ago today--ramble on about the greatness of the lyrics and how many times i was brought back to life by those songs and how many tears and laughters---

but after that, Bob, I don't know what to say.

i guess you're right.

duel