big brother's taking off to a warmer climate early tomorrow morning. i hate goodbyes. needless to say. to take leave turns out to be always much much easier than to stay. and i turn out to be much much more emotional than expected. been walking around with a tear hidden in the corner of my eye for some time now, unwilling to grow up and face the fact that it is just 6 months, and big brother's gonna be back before i know it. yet lonesomeness already settles--not because we part--because we parted before even for a whole year when i left for my crusade in the far away land--but because he parts and i will be still in the same disfunctional whirlwind--of which we both share the same mark of damage.
that being said you can only hope things to turn out all right, and i'm sure they will.
the weather is prefect though. last night as i shut my door and went to bed i could hear the wind howl and shake the doors: it is the most peaceful sound anyone can fall asleep to. you feel like you're in the middle of dark deep forest and almost smell the green leaves being hurled around by the storm's will. the wind must have slowed down by the time i wake up (long after noon) and the ground had dried out but the grayness and cloudiness still stays. i had had enough of summer as it is, so i won't mind if we stay on like this from now on.
also wonderful about the weather: as i have mentioned a friend of mine had suggested an album to me by danger mouse and daniele luppi called rome. it is a beautiful album, but i had been thinking how fitting it would be to autumn weather, and even thought i wasn't enjoying it to its full capacity because the weather was so burningly hot and the sun was so direct and merciless-- so when i woke up to this wonderful weather i immediately brewed my coffee and plugged in that lovely piece of work.
strange desire: i woke up this morning wanting to be walking down an also cloudy brooklyn street with a plastic coffee cup in my hand my fave beatles bag hanging over my shoulder on my way to some open market sight seeing and then to ravage through a bookstore or two. strange things we want for no appearant reason. but then again the apple had been a soft spot for me since i was one of those unbalanced teenagers (that i perhaps still emotionally am) and by the corner of my eye i look up to the large photographs that i had torn out of the calender my host family had given me and put up on my wall--with the colorful joyful majestic christmas tree by the rockefeller center--by which i had stood and posed for a photo--i am a strange person i guess-waking up to miss jim to miss bob to miss exra to miss my fave zeppelin song and even to miss new york of all places--
and if you still can't feel the steam of coffee and the sole of my shoes treading a new york path this may give you a hand to do so:
"the flowers of the city..."
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