...

i think about a few disappointments and some more revelations after i just realized what's wrong with me: once someone says i'm special for them, esp. in friendship, i just take that to be perpetual. i can not integrate that into life, and i can not handle its alterations. for to me you have mostly one or two that are special to you, and once they're special they don't go back to being ordinary--and that's why i pick my words carefully, only when i think i have someone as close as they have me i tend to see them vital, and true--but life evolves, and it is all about what we share at the end of the day--and the things we share run out, or dry out, and then i can't seem to understand that. i'm stubborn that way.

i think after some years in this business i found out that i truly have one 'best' friend. now i have to learn to live with that--not in a way of 'accepting it' but more 'working it into life' kinda learning. but you know you can't be special for everyone--still i wish people were careful--you know--when saying they care.

i really don't mean to sound bitter--perhaps only wise.